Monday, January 30, 2006

St. Christopher, pray for me

Tomorrow I embark on my new adventure. Right now I am mostly homesick. It feels like I've been saying good-byes for two weeks now, and the hardest ones have been to my closest friends and family. Therefore, the last few days have been pretty hard.
When I was younger, I went to a camp for a week, and all I did was cry for my family. I was so homesick, but after that I seemed fine. The entire experience will probably be like diving into the deep end for the first time (is this a good analogy?). At first, it will seem really scary, but after I actually jump, things will seem less scary and a lot easier. I'm not one who is very good with homesickness. I cried for hours on freshman move-in day and my brother still makes fun of me for that, so if you are reading my blog, I probably miss you with all my heart. However, I think that if I go with a positive attitude tomorrow I should be okay. I'm excited about going and having a new experience! I will write on this as soon as I can once I get to Europe.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Just look into what I have turned because of these boys...

On Friday night, I made supper for two of my favorite boys in the world. It was pretty funny because I cooked for like an hour and when they walked in the door at around 5:30, they got a complete meal that was not burnt! I felt like we were the perfect 1950s family, complete with a booth in the kitchen.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

My Van Gogh

When I was in high school, I used to be a mural painter. This sounds pretty cool until I actually explain that this entailed my painting a bunch of cartoons working out on the walls of a new Curves that opened in my town. This job was a lot of fun because I bought a bunch of books with my money, donned a beret, and people had to call me "Abbee" with a French accent. My status as a Mural Painter is pretty cool for me to drop in normal conversation, because people think I am an artist when I am pretty far from being anything near an artist. However, this does not stop me from attempting to create a masterpiece.
This winter break, I tried to paint a picture. Before you gag and think it is weirdo for me to paint a picture of David and I, trust me when I say that the actual photo of this scene looks amazing. I wanted to attempt to capture the moment with my artistic talent, but my so-called talent decided to take a vacation. One of the main problems is that David looks like Van Gogh with his dark and reddish facial hair. He at least looks like that Douglas guy who played Van Gogh in a movie we watched once in art. It is also ironic that David did not have an ear until tonight, when I finally added it out of pity. I have always liked Van Gogh. In high school art, I played Van Gogh in a skit we performed. My only conclusion about this resemblance is that I am comparing David's great art skills to those of a great artist's. Luckily, the artists are blown out of the water by David's conceptual pieces that contain no horizon line. My Van Gogh is better.


My cooking skills are seriously lacking. I often burn food when I cook. My mom blames it on my having a tiny bit of Irish blood in my vessels (apparently Irish people burn food(?)), and I am starting to agree that this problem is not learned but inherited. It seems that no matter how careful I am, I manage to burn something. This picture was taken with Amy after I managed to burn macaroni and cheese. I have burned everything from toast to boiling water to noodles (those were the worst). One time at my job, I burned a potato in the microwave (don't ask why I was making a potato as a snack).
My brother says that I rely on the smoke alarm to tell me when my food is done, and tonight was no exception as I tried to make fried eggplant. I think I have figured out why my family hardly ever fries anything. It is because it is very easy to burn something while you are frying, and they are afraid I will try to take over. During the frying process, the flour on the eggplant suddenly solidified and became black. Then smoke began billowing out of the pan. Luckily I took the pan off the burner and nothing else happened, but my mom came in and opened all the doors of the house. After we finished, I realized that this is usually the scene after I finish cooking (note all of the open doors):

Hopefully my cooking skills will improve when I become an adult.

Monday, January 23, 2006


When your brother who normally does not share much candy with you suddenly gives you a huge bag of Skittles, you should be aware that there is probably a reason.No reds or grapes? This bag is now almost worthless.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Hitting the slopes

This weekend I got to go skiing for the first time ever. I think the prospect gave everybody in my family sick stomachs because they know I am horrible at sports and could just imagine my falling off the edge of the mountain and plowing into a live animal.
When we got to the ski place, I made my first gaffe when I realized I had dropped my gloves in the parking lot. That meant that I had to walk back to the car like a robot because of the ski boots, attempt to bend all the way over to pick them up off the ground, and waddle back to where poor David was standing and probably wanting to leave me.
After I got the skis on my feet, David gave me a look with a furrowed brow and said, "There are three rules to skiing, Abbie." At this point, I knew he was serious for several reasons. First of all, David had a furrowed brow. Secondly, he laid down some rules (this is significant because David rarely lays down any rules). Also, I suddenly had two skinny twigs strapped to my feet on icy ground. Because of all this, I listened carefully.
"Rule number one is to never cross your skis." At this point, my skis were crossed. I tried to uncross them, but I almost fell.
"Rule number two is that you should not ski backward during your first time skiing." Ski backward? Did he honestly think I would ski forward?
"Finally, rule number three: DON'T PANIC!" I thought I could handle that because I learned yoga several years ago and try to practice it so that I do not panic in everyday situations. Then I saw that there were other people on this mountain. Pedestrians scare me big time because I am always afraid I will hit them, even if I am walking. I am not graceful and trip often, so I got nervous that I would hit a small child while skiing uncontrollably.
Then David said, "Oh, I forgot another rule. If you go out of control, fall on your side." He said that if I felt I was out of control or needed to stop soon I should just fall. Little did I know that I would be using this rule 183248904 times that night.
Once David started to teach me (with a furrowed brow), I started to have a lot of fun. At first we went on the bunny slope with a rope tow. The rope tow was somewhat of a challenge for me at first, but a nice guy helped me recover my poles. After that, I had problems with stopping, but those were somewhat overcome when I learned to employ the rule about falling. Eventually, I got a feel for the slope and could stop. David and I made mini-goals: I would ski for two turns and then stop. This was fine, except I, the eternal exaggerator, would ski about four or five turns and then stop a little further than was assigned.
Eventually we went on the ski lift, where I had another problem with my poles. This time my pole decided to get stuck in the ice and stay there just as the ski life was coming. Therefore, I ended up riding the ski life by myself for the first time. Luckily, as I was getting off, David was yelling, "STAND!" so the ski lift didn't have to stop for me to get off.
We then went on one blue hill about ten times and then explored the others, which was a lot of fun. During all this skiing, I realized I had started to talk to myself. One time, after I fell halfway down the mountain, David said, "Abbie, you just need control." On my next run I whispered, "control control control control control control" down the slope. Then I realized that I needed to follow through on my stops and found myself saying, "Follow through, Abbie. Follow through, Abbie. Follow through, Abbie." When I had somehow turned around all the way and was going down backwards, I said, "This is one of David's rules. Don't ski backward your first time."
At one point, I actually ran into another skier. This dude had fallen in front of me and I panicked and decided to fall. However, I couldn't stop sliding before I ran into him. Luckily he was not angry and we both had a good laugh.
Toward the end of our skiing, David (still with a furrowed brow) suggested that I try to go down the black diamond slope. Now, I am from a small town and didn't know much about skiing, but I knew that the black diamond slope is the hardest slope in the place. David assured me that he thought I was ready, so I gave it a try and it ended up being so much fun! I had some major falls on the moguls (or Mongols, as I was calling them before David corrected me), but they were fun anyway.
Overall, I had a great time skiing. By the end I had formulated some rules of my own:
1. Don't be afraid to fall. Everybody falls sometimes.
2. Don't have a negative attitude. You will fail if you have a negative attitude when you start.
3. Don't panic! Panicking is the worst.
4. If your teacher has a furrowed brow the entire time you are skiing, it doesn't mean he is having a bad time. It means his hat is squishing his forehead.
David decided we should leave when I started formulating a philosophy on life based on skiing. I think David was excited that I could even stand on the skis. Today my entire body aches, but I can't wait to go again!

P.S. Even though you were probably fooled throughout this blog entry, these pictures are not of me.

Friday, January 20, 2006

normal conversation

tigerray15: i just got out of poultry class
tigerray15: my teacher is a moron
abbie0317: haha
abbie0317: poultry
tigerray15: lol
abbie0317: you are so nutso
abbie0317: why is your teacher a moron?
tigerray15: it says in the syllabus that it is his opinion that "poultry science should be the most imporant class we ever take"

abbie0317: what should i do about the chicken thing in turkey? Haha.
abbie0317: what is that disease that chickens get?
tigerray15: bird flu

More subbing

Today I am teaching science. I'm actually not teaching, but assigning work to an average of seven students I have per class. The problem is that I have ninth graders. Do you remember when you were in ninth grade? I think I was still in love with one of the Backstreet Boys and wearing Old Navy tech vests. Ninth grade is one of the strangest years of life because it is the transition between the obnoxious junior high years and high school, when kids are supposed to act more mature. When I was in high school, I thought I was pretty old, but as I walk the halls I keep thinking how immature and young the high schoolers seem.

Apparently I have been the laughing-stock of high school gym class because of my performance in Tae-Bo last week. The kids have been coming into my room and imitating my kicks.

In my first hour class, I was able to witness a conversation about spit. A girl said that she knows a guy who can spit to almost the floor and then suck it back into his mouth. I thought to myself, "Well, kids can be stupid sometimes. We all have tried to spit at least once in our lives." Then she said, "AND you should see his SON! I guess he's about two years old, and he can do the same thing! He shows his Dad all the time!" Let me tell you, if my kids can't spit to the ground and suck it back up by the age of two, I'm going to consider myself a failure as a parent.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Please don't quit reading this blog because of this post

Cats are my great love in life.
When I was little, I wanted a cat so badly and finally got a kitten. Her name was Sarah. She didn't do a great job of paying attention to me, so I used to fall down in the grass and pretend to be hurt so she would rescue me. Did a kitten care if I was hurt back then? No, not really. She always trotted off without a care in the world.
My next cat was named Sunshine Daydream Kitty Roo, or Roo for short. Roo was a good cat and came from the Humane Society. She was also known as The Mountain Lion among my cousins and The Ugliest Cat in the World by others. Roo was a great cat and "earned her keep" (according to my parents) by mousing.
My brother had a crazy cat named Anne of Green Gables somewhere in this period. She was day she lost her leg in a freak accident that involved a barbed-wire fence th
rough her thigh, but she still managed to have about two litters a year. We eventually gave her away to a nearby farm (she was also kind of wild). They call her Tripod.
Next we had Maxwell, or Max, or Smax. Smax was another good and smart kitty. He used to unlock the attic door, climb inside and meow at us from above. It sounded like a robber was in our house.
Rigby, or Scriggsby, showed up one day at the trash pile. It was pretty funny because he looked just like Smax (except for one spot) and my mom thought that Smax had cloned himself.
My last cats were Dora and Poseidon. Dora also showed up one day at our trash pile (I think someone dumped her near our house), but she could not live through her first night. Poseidon was a cat that my brother and I saved from the Humane Society, and who also lived for only one day. We have not had much luck with cats lately, but someday I hope I get another one!

I know this post has been really lame. If you are still reading it at this point, I know you are one of my true friends.


THE FOUR THINGS MEME (Is this supposed to be Memo? Me? I don't get it...)

Four Jobs I've Had
1. Office Assistant at Kelly L. Lovekamp, L.L.C.
2. Mural Painter
3. Nanny/Baby-sitter

Four Movies I Can Watch Over and Over
1. The Godfather
2. Sense and Sensibility
3. Love Actually
4. Pride and Prejudice

Four TV Shows I Love to Watch
1. Friends
2. Seinfeld
3. Anything on the Food Network

Four Places I've Been on Vacation
1. Sequoia National Park
2. Walt Disney World
3. Gettysburg, Vicksburg, and Antietam
4. Bath, England

Four Blogs You Visit Daily
1. Naptime Musings
2. Dooce

Four of Your Favorite Foods
1. salad
2. ice cream
3. cookie dough
4. eggplant

Four Places You'd Rather Be
1. here at home, but with David here

Four Musical Artists You Love
1. The Beatles
2. Coldplay
3. Ryan Hesse on the piano
4. Guster (this last one is hard to pick because I love so many artists equally)

Four Vehicles I've Owned
1. 1988 Oldsmobile 88
2. 1994 Buick Century
3. 2000 Dodge Intrepid

Four taggees
1. I can't do this, because everybody has been tagged already!

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Woah, this is insane

[21:27] jewlie0210: you're going to be gone 3 months and 17 days, which is freakishly like your birthday

Note: My birthday is on the best day of the year. If you don't know and can't figure it out from this post, e-mail me and I'll help you.


"So apparently we are going to take ballroom dancing together to express our language of dance. Wait, I mean the language of love with dance. I get that wrong every time!"
"But what if you guys both sign up for the class and then break up? Then the teacher will look for the two shortest people and assign you as his partner. What will you do then? That would be a debacle."


This weekend I went to my college to visit friends as they were moving in for the spring semester. The visit was pretty fun, and now I'm so glad that I am not going back to my school for the semester (I think studying abroad will be a nice break), but I am also missing just being at school with everybody. I think that once I leave all of these feelings will wash away.
Today I counted my months being gone and I'm only going to be gone for three months and seventeen days. It seems like a lifetime, but hopefully I will be having the time of my life.

Haha...I know the last sentence is really lame, but I thought the wording was cool at the time it was written, so it is not going to be erased.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

More Non-Verbal Communication

This was the scene in the kitchen after I woke up one morning:

Did somebody want me to pick up their trash? This was my response:

Friday, January 13, 2006


Today I am subbing at my alma mater. This time I am the Physical Education teacher. This has been a pretty goofy day so far. First of all, the kids call me "Coach". This is funny because I am the farthest thing from a coach, as I am pretty bad at sports. My best sport now is running, because it requires no coordination. Five of my classes are doing a Tae-Bo video. Now, this would be fine, except I have about thirty kids in some of my classes today. On top of that, my kids are in seventh, eighth, and ninth grades. Please take a moment to imagine thirty 13-year-olds doing Tae-Bo with an uncoordinated "coach" leading them. At one point, I yelled, "GUYS PLEASE QUIT ACTING LIKE YOU ARE PUNCHING YOUR NEIGHBOR!" This would only occur in a high school gym. I noticed that their intensity was fading and said, "copy me, guys!" and they said, "we are!"
Billy Blanks doesn't help, either. He and his set look like they came out of that gym in Napoleon Dynamite. His appearance is funny enough, but in the video, he lets one of his sidekick women kick him over. The kids live for this moment. When it got close, I started hearing the kids saying, "Billy! WATCH OUT!", and when it happened, "Awwwww, Billy, ya did it again." The bell just rang. I have to go back to the gym.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006


This week has been very eventful. This Sunday, I went geocaching with David and his family. It was a lot of fun. We were by a river, which provided beautiful scenery, and we also found several little treasures. This crazy sign is located in one the parks in which we went geocaching. I suppose the city was trying to save taxpayers' money by taping over unneeded words.

This is supposed to be a picture of David's leaping off Lovers' Leap because I am leaving him next semester. Don't worry...even though my masterful photography skills may be deceiving, he did not actually leap.

I had to substitute teach on Monday. So far, I've subbed three days this semester. I wish teachers would stop getting sick. I'll probably get called every day that I'm home because I am signed up in two school districts. Everybody should be required to substitute teach for at least three days. If people did this, they would learn how difficult commanding a classroom can be and would actually discipline their own children. Some kids are so obnoxious.

After subbing, David and I traveled to his sister Sarah's house for a fun three days. We got to go to the art museum and to the Cheesecake Factory. His little niece, Emma, is so cute. I always try to get David to steal her for me but he insists that it will not win me over with his family. In the picture, she is sporting my Uggs, which didn't fit her very well. She kept trying to walk but would pretty much fall over. We also got to see my Uncle Craig, Aunt Georgia, and cousin Sam, which was very fun.
When we got back to my house today, my mom had an early birthday party for me, since I will be in Prague during my real birthday. My birthday dinner always consists of corned beef and cabbage, potatoes, and Irish soda bread because my birthday is on St. Patrick's day. Noting that it was my twenty-first birthday party, I asked my mom if I could partake in the drinking of some wine, but she did not like that idea. I thought that my Barbie cake should have been an indication of my maturity, but apparently she did not agree. Did I mention that I had a Barbie ice cream cake? How cool is that?
After the party, I attempted to hem some of David's pants. At first, I thought it would be majorly easy, but I had forgotten how impatient I am with sewing and also that I had never sewn a hem in my life. They ended up looking like another animal without opposable thumbs had sewn them.

Saturday, January 07, 2006




This was the scene outside my back door at 5:30 today:

Friday, January 06, 2006

Don't even bother opening the envelope

Woe to the person who gets junk mail from these people...
When your mother owns this book:

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Okay, seriously

Today I noticed that it was a little cold in my house (mostly because I had five blankets piled on me while sleeping and cold air was still seeping through my pajamas onto my skin), and I went to look at the temperature setting of the heater (see right). No, your eyes are not deceiving you. Our family's heat is on 59 degrees. This is mostly my mom's fault. She tries to keep our heating bill very low to save money. She says that we can just put on clothes if we want to be warmer. I think the truth is that she and my dad are both psycho and believe they are in a tropical forest. When they go to bed, they use one blanket and KEEP THE FAN ON IN THEIR BEDROOM! (Please spare me any jokes about body heat.) Anyway, my brother and I are always freezing cold.
The problem is that I cannot touch this heater dial thing. That is because my mother would figure it out from her school ten miles away and probably rush home to turn it back down while asking me why I want the house to be boiling hot. It is a bad sign when your relatives know to bring many blankets and layers when they visit your house because "the country people don't know how to turn on the heat". My parents keep telling me that I will be freezing cold and miserable in Prague, but I think this cold-endurance training has prepared me to spend four months living in an iceberg in the Arctic.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Who wears the pants in this relationship?

This girl has this guy totally whipped.